Bunmi Sofola, in this mind-blowing epistle explains why old rich men will always get the young beautiful ladies.
“What is it about middle age men and their libidos?” asked an exasperated Mariam at a recent chin-wag. In her middle age, she got divorced several years back from a husband she termed a serial adulterer.
She went on: “The other day, I was commiserating with a friend whose portly husband of 28 years had abandoned her—and, apparently, all reason—for a woman his daughter’s age. She is your typical home-maker-loyal, dependable and discreet.
“She has quietly supported her businessman husband’s career throughout their marriage. How could he have deserted her for a floozy after all those years of love and self-sacrifice? She was naturally bereft….”
The big question is: What turns a typical ‘for-the-baba-ke’ into a fully-fledged, grade-A lothario? “I’ll tell you,” offered Mariam.
“The lustre of his successful career has magically rendered him highly attractive to women. He may not have qualified as a contestant in a Mr. Nigeria contest, but he has a sharp brain and a successful career that sees him rubbing shoulders with the most powerful people in the country. That’s why impressionable young women are attracted to him—they wouldn’t have found him nearly as alluring if he’d been some pen-pushing nonentity earning enough to cater for a small family in a flat! Power and money, as the cliche goes, are potent aphrodisiacs, and when allied to the status of a successful career the mixture is irresistible.”
As the discussion raged, it soon transpired that what got these women virtually boiling with rage was the report of one of their husbands in advanced middle age making an arrant fool of himself. He was spotted by one of their adult children in ridiculously age-inappropriate sportswear, smooching at a disco party with his lissom personal assistant. What on earth was he thinking?
“Certainly not of his poor wife and mother of his four children,” spat Mariam. “But then, we all know that decorum and common sense desert these daft men when they are in the grip of an infatuation with a young vixen in the office. And it happens to men in all walks of life: bankers, lawyers, doctors, accountants—they all seem to fall prey to an office junior—beguiled by their power and desperate to get a career boost—who strokes their balding pate and massages their burgeoning ego.
“These men, gripped by a late—life surge of lust, seem to forget the sacrifices their spouse made towards their success. I’ve seen it again and again: men with devoted wives who raise their children, keep their homes spic and span and discreetly endure the decline in the physical side of their relationship—start acting like lust-obsessed adolescents the moment an impressionable young woman pays attention to them.
“Sadly, my own marriage came to grief over a similar scenario. When I first met Jide, my ex, we were both accountants in a big firm. He was my senior of course, and as soon as he could, left with two of his friends to found a firm of chartered accountants. The fourth of the group stayed behind to pass the company’s work to the new firm.
“Once he’s found the success he craved, it was as if he felt entitled to have it all: a happy home life with me and our children, and the thrill of an illicit office dalliance with whichever moppet was most flattered by the attentions of the man calling the shots in the office. So while I was ensconced at our home, raising our children, cooking the meals, keeping the house and somehow juggling my own career, Mr. hot pants frittered away money having a darn good time. Of course, wives and steady girlfriends are never invited to these shindigs, ensuring he could do whatever he wished with pretty office juniors.
“So what was in it for the girls? They may have believed it would advance their careers, certainly they would have enjoyed the intro into a sophisticated world and the association with movers and shakers. But was good sex the lure? Most unlikely! Because as my husband’s professional success advanced, it seemed his sexual potency declined commensurately. I knew of his affairs but turned a blind eye until the last one—the one that precipitated the end of our marriage. Even when I found Viagra in his pocket, knowing it wouldn’t be used for me, I kept mum. After all, I wouldn’t be the only wronged wife with a faithless middle-aged husband who enjoyed the authority and conviction she brought to her role.
“I believe there is something undignified about men that past this physical prime, their sell-by date so to speak, making idiots of themselves with younger women. An affair may inflate their self-esteem for a while, but it usually does little for their career. The point is that men in their 50s behaving like sexually in-continent adolescents lose the credibility gained from their high-flying jobs.
“Tell me, how many successful women in senior position—captains of industry, heads of parastatal—are rendering themselves cheap by having affairs with office juniors? The idea of catching such women in a fumble with a messenger is laughable and preposterous. Yet successful men seem to think a liaison is not only a job perk, but also ultimate proof of their macho status. Well, it isn’t. So why do they think their egos need such bolstering? In the end, they must ask themselves how they want to be remembered—for their talent and achievements or for their petty sexual misdemeanours? Men like my friends’ husband may enjoy the thrill of their illicit fling. They may even go on to marry their young bird-brained girls. But what happens when they reach their drooling, incontinent dotage and their new wives are in their middle-aged prime? Will those trophy lovers stick around to push them in their bath-chairs and spoon-feed them? I doubt it!”
By Bunmi Sofola